sink moment

i found a knife at the sink.
i was brushing my teeth when i saw the blade reflecting the light behind me.
it was just a small knife.
one that I’ve always used.
a standard paring knife. nothing special about it.
it wouldn’t actually stand out if you line up our knives.
just a typecast stainless handle and blade.

but just there and then, time stopped.
i just stood there for like 2 minutes.
just stood there, staring at the taunting shimmer of the metal in front of me..
i was mesmerized.
and realized something that sent shivers down my spine.

i could end this.
just one deep cut across my wrist.
my misery would end when my flesh collides with the unstoppable metal.
when my vessels are severed this pathetic dejection over how crappy my life is will be over.

just one quick slash.

i stood there, my toothbrush still locked inside my mouth.
but i couldn’t move.
the overwhelming sensation of ambivalence crippled me.
between excitement and apprehension.
between sadness and regret.
fear and the high of freedom.

then every seething hatred i feel towards myself, the world, and everything in between poured themselves out as tears.

i cursed the maid who forgot to wash the dishes as the deadlock between reality and wishful thinking crumbled.

damned knife.

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About delamorte

Eherm... A boy with a soiled face who's spent 23 pathetic years trying to make a difference... An old man trying to talk his way out of his own cage... And the Seer who's trying to poise these two alter egos' rage... You won't find anything interesting enough in me to ask about my real life facts. Trust me, things will get more and more boring once you take that path. Disclaimer : These are just random rants and stories cooked-up out of boredom and prolonged stages of catatonia. Please feel free to troll/criticize my works, i am but a poor soul trying to find my way out of this miserable phase some of you call life, your critiques shall serve as my guiding light.
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One Response to sink moment

  1. diuata says:

    i know this moment. we’ve met before.

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